The Girl in Seat 24B Read online

  She just stared at me dumbfounded. “I have to say I’m surprised. You and Michael were like the perfect couple in my mind. I have always wished Jace adored me like Michael adores you.”

  “Well he doesn’t adore me anymore. He’s been gone almost a week and I’ve barely talked to him twice.”

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m sure he’ll come to his senses. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” She patted my hand. “Honey, I need to run a pregnancy test.”

  Chapter 4

  All the way home I kept touching my abdomen. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant, but the tests were 99.9% accurate. It wasn’t that I didn’t want another baby; I’d wanted one for years, but not like this. Not when I was possibly on the verge of being a single mother. I knew this wasn’t going to make Michael happy. He hadn’t wanted another baby when he did love me, how was he going to feel now that he wanted to leave me? I decided I wasn’t going to tell him. I knew eventually I would have to, but I could wait. Wait and see if he could get his head on straight and come back to me, to our family.

  I knew I didn’t have long. I was already seven weeks along and had maybe five to eight weeks before I started showing – if I was lucky. I swore Emma to secrecy, but she too reminded me I didn’t have long. She ordered me to keep my stress under control and at least try to get some nutrients in me. She prescribed some anti-nausea medication and prenatal vitamins. I was going to have to find a safe, hidden place for those.

  After I put the kids to bed and was by myself, lying on my bed, I kept touching my bare abdomen. “I just want you to know that no matter what, I see this as a blessing, even if I have to do this alone, but I promise you I will do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen,” I said aloud to my unborn baby. I already felt such love for this child. It’s amazing how your heart can grow. I remember thinking I could never love a baby more than Ashton and then Mia came along and that loved just swelled. I could feel that swelling now again.

  I pulled out my calendar and circled the seventh of November. It was easy to calculate a due date. I knew the exact date of conception; it wasn’t like the other times before when it could have been almost any day. What I would give to have those days back, and it wasn’t about the sex—I missed the connection and the closeness our intimacy brought. I also felt bad that this baby was practically conceived out of coercion. Ok, maybe coercion was the wrong word, but it was definitely different than the other times when we were trying, back when I felt like Michael and I were doing this together.

  I started crying again, but I tried to calm myself. I invoked my yoga breathing techniques, and I could feel my heart rate slow. Then Michael called.

  “Carly, I know it’s late, but I wanted to check on you. Did you go to the doctor?”

  I was surprised by his concern. “Yes.”

  “And … ”

  I had to tell the truth but not lie at the same time; if that made sense. “She prescribed me some medicine and told me this would take some time to work out, but I should be just fine.”

  “I hope the kids don’t get it.”

  I almost laughed. “I’m pretty sure they won’t. So how’s the election coverage going?”

  “I think I would rather run my finger nails against a chalkboard than listen to one more campaign speech.”

  “That sounds about right. If it makes you feel any better, we all miss you.” He didn’t respond right away, so I continued speaking. “I’ve decided to start up my photography business again. I’ve been working on my website design. I think it is coming along really well.”

  “I was still planning on supporting you regardless, Carly. You don’t need to work.”

  “I thought maybe this would help. Maybe it would allow you to look for something else. Something that makes you happy, like finishing your novel or teaching?”

  “Carly, I can provide for my family.”

  “Bishop, this isn’t an indictment against you. I’ve always told you what a wonderful provider you are and how much I appreciate the hard work you do, but the thing is, what happens when you decide you’re tired of doing that too, just like you’re tired of me?”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you.” I could hear the steel in his voice. I’d hit a nerve.

  “You said you’d never leave me either. Goodnight, Michael.” I just hung up on him again. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do, but I was tired and hurt and pregnant and alone.

  The medication helped significantly; at least I was able to keep most of my food down. Even though I could still only manage half of what I should be eating, it was better than it had been. At least I had a little more energy. I even ventured to take my rug rats to the aquarium on Saturday. Michael was returning on Tuesday, so I wanted to give them a good weekend. I knew what was awaiting us all next week. He hadn’t given any indication he had changed his mind, and I’ll admit, I figured out how to log into his secret account. I saw new debits for furniture and cable. I still couldn’t believe it was happening.

  Those debits made me more determined to get my own business back up and running. I also rededicated myself to not lashing out or reacting poorly when he was apathetic or unresponsive or just plain mean. I reminded myself that this was about him and not me. This was his choice, not mine, and I could choose to be happy no matter my circumstances, especially now that I had three little ones that were counting on me.

  Speaking of my third little one, I had a follow up appointment on Monday where Emma did an ultrasound. I loved seeing that little peanut move around inside of me, and hearing the heartbeat was like music to my ears. It made me forget, for just a moment, that the timing was horrible and that my husband didn’t love me. All I could think about was the love I felt for my unborn baby.

  Before I left her office, I had an idea. “Would you be willing to let me place some brochures for newborn and family photos in your waiting area?” I asked her.

  “Absolutely, I’ll even be your first customer,” she responded enthusiastically.

  I left feeling better than I had in two weeks.

  That was good, too, because I needed it. Michael dropped by on Tuesday evening with no luggage in hand, and he parked in the driveway instead of the garage. I knew what that meant, and I had to hold back the tears as Ashton and Mia rushed to their daddy as he walked through the front door, not the garage entrance. I watched him as he knelt and the kids clung to him. He looked up at me with guilt in his eyes. I just wiped the corners of my eyes and turned away for a moment. But I reminded myself I needed to be brave for Ashton and Mia and my little peanut.

  I was doing really well with that for all about a minute.

  “Aren’t you going to kiss mommy too?” Mia asked.

  “Mia and Ashton, I want to tell you something,” Michael said.

  He led them to our living room couch and sat them down. He took the coffee table, and he held on to their tiny hands. He reached into his pocket. “I almost forgot, I brought you something back from New York.”

  I saw the excitement in their eyes, and I wanted to smack him. No matter what he bought them, it wasn’t going to make up for what he was about to do to our family. I wanted to look away, but I knew I couldn’t. I had to be there for my children because they were going to need me more than ever. I stood at the fireplace and prayed silently that I would know what to do to help them, and I prayed for a way that this would not really happen. I would be up for a miracle right about now.

  Michael pulled out two gold coins. I wanted to smack my head. He could have at least gotten Mia a doll and Ashton some type of sports memorabilia or Legos. They looked at the coins like, so what. It meant nothing to them. Michael looked at me, and I looked at him like, you’re on your own buddy. What had happened to him? This was not my Michael. I could guarantee this was something he had gotten at the airport because he hardly thought two seconds about us while he was gone. My Michael would have made a special trip to make sure he brought back something meaningful and something his kids would love.
Not gold coins.

  He placed the coins on the table and took their hands again. By this time, the kids looked confused. They were ready to tell him more about the aquarium and field trips and ballet recitals, but Michael just plowed through with his stupid speech. “Ashton and Mia, I’m not going to live at home for a while. But I’ll be close by and my new apartment has a pool that you can come over and use. I just need to figure some things out, but just know I love you.” It sounded so pathetic and he couldn’t even look at them when he spoke.

  I wasn’t sure how much Mia got; she looked at me and my tears and she started crying too, but it was Ashton that really concerned me. His sweet little face was red and his baby blues were as wide as I had ever seen them.

  He stared coldly at his father and, without warning, he jumped and ran to me. “I hate you,” he yelled at his father. He had never used those words.

  I don’t think hate had ever been spoken in our house before, but I knew how he felt. I felt hate too.

  He clung to me, and I clung back. Then Mia joined us, and we held on to each other for dear life. I looked up at Michael. He had tears in his eyes, but I could tell the scene before him wasn’t going to change his mind. Like a coward, he left me there with his crying children.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll call later,” was all he could say to us.

  He left me to pick up the pieces of their shattered little hearts, so I moved us to the couch and sat them both on my lap, which was getting more difficult as they aged. In a few months I knew it would be impossible as my lap space would be shrinking. At least for tonight we managed.

  I wiped their tears and told them I loved them at least a million times. “Your daddy’s going through a hard time right now and sometimes when people are hurting or confused they do things they shouldn’t do, but it doesn’t mean we don’t love them. In fact, we should show them more love because they need it more.”

  “I can make Daddy a card,” Mia offered.

  I kissed her head. “I think he would like that, my sweet girl.”

  I looked at Ashton who was still crying. My heart broke. I stroked his hair. “Talk to me, little man.”

  “Are you going to get divorced?”

  I was surprised Ashton even knew what that was.

  I pulled them both to me again. “I sure hope not.”

  We sat there together for several minutes just crying and wallowing in our grief. After which we decided we were all hungry; well, at least the kids were. I was still having issues with food, but I at least pretended. We decided to order in pizza and make it a family game night, minus a big chunk of our family. It was subdued, but there were a few laughs here and there. As I tucked them in and they said their prayers, they each prayed their daddy would come home. I silently prayed that too. I tucked Mia in first, and then I went to Ashton.

  “Ashton, you can come and talk to me anytime,” I said as I stroked that beautiful hair of his. “And it’s ok to feel the way you’re feeling. I know you feel bad about what you said to your daddy, but I know, and he knows, that you only said it because you love him so much.” Tears ran down his smooth cheeks and it caused my eyes to well up. “Just remember that love is the most powerful force on earth and it can change people.” It was a lot to lay on a seven year old, but I think he partially got it. I kissed his sweet head and tucked him in.

  After the house was sparkling, I finally crawled into bed exhausted. It was that moment that Michael chose to call.

  “Carly?”

  “Who else?”

  “How are the kids?”

  “They’re hurting, and they miss you.”

  “Carly, I know that you don’t agree with the way I’m going about this, but I have to do this.”

  “You’re right, I don’t agree with this. In fact, I know what you’re doing is wrong and I know, deep down, you know that too. I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but for the sake of everyone, I suggest you figure it out quick. There’s more at stake here than you know.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Exactly what I said.”

  “Can I come by tomorrow morning and pick up some of my things?”

  “Michael, this is still your home, you don’t have to ask to come home.” The dumb tears came again.

  “Carly…”

  “You can come. I won’t be here anyway.”

  “Where will you be?”

  “I’m meeting with my web designer after I drop Mia and Ashton off at school.”

  “I thought I told you I would take care of you financially.”

  “You did, but I have a hard time believing that right now.”

  “Carly, I’ve got it covered.”

  “You don’t get it, do you? It’s not your money that I want or even need.”

  “Then what do you want?” he shouted angrily.

  “The only thing I ever wanted for the past eleven plus years of my life. You,” I responded quietly and lovingly.

  “I need to go.”

  “You can’t just keep running away from this or me, Bishop.”

  “Goodnight, Carly.”

  Yeah, goodnight. I wasn’t sure what those were anymore. I rubbed my little secret and whispered, “Don’t judge your daddy by tonight. Honestly, he wasn’t such an idiot when I married him.”

  Chapter 5

  The next couple of weeks proved to be the most difficult of my life as the kids and I adjusted to this new reality. Sadly, Michael didn’t seem that affected by it; if anything, he seemed happier when we saw him, which wasn’t often at all. He said he was taking more out-of-town assignments and that we shouldn’t count on him being around much. I tried to include him in all of our family activities, but each invitation was declined with some excuse or another.

  I was mourning his absence. He had cleared out all of his drawers, and his office was mostly empty, except he left the pictures. It was like a slap across the face, like he wanted to forget us. The kids were confused and sad. I would say Ashton was even angry, especially after Michael missed both of his soccer games. I tried to talk to Michael and tell him what he was doing to our children, but he wasn’t listening. His excuse was he was supporting us financially, which required him to work hard. I wanted to say, you don’t know what hard work is. Try being a single pregnant mother who pukes on a daily basis and has to pee every thirty minutes, but yet still has to run a household and take care of two little ones who are going through emotional trauma. And to top it off, I was working again. Instead, I tried to be loving and tell him we missed him and he could work less if he needed to. He didn’t listen.

  Finally, after two weeks, he came and picked up the kids for the evening. I was grateful for the break. When he walked in, he looked at me, like really looked at me. I don’t think he had done that in weeks.

  “You don’t look well,” he said as he stood in our entryway, waiting for the kids to get their shoes on.

  “Thanks, Bishop.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way. Is everything ok? You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my secret much longer. I was already over ten weeks along, but I didn’t want him to come back because of guilt. I wanted him to come back because he loved me and wanted me.

  “I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately.” It was true. I had never been this stressed out, and stress has always had a tendency whether good or bad to make me lose my appetite.

  “Well, just try and relax and maybe eat something.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Wow, why didn’t I think of that?”

  He really was turning into an idiot, or maybe just a selfish ignoramus. There was no acknowledgment from him that he had anything to do with the state of disarray in my life. I just shook my head at him and then turned toward my babies and helped Mia with her shoes.

  “Mommy, please come with us?” she pled.

  Then Ashton asked too. I could tell it was making my husband uncomfortable. />
  “Mommy can’t come. I have lots of work to do tonight, but you guys go and have fun with your daddy.”

  I stood up and Michael motioned for me to come closer to him. I thought it was weird, but part of me was happy. I wanted nothing more than to be close to him.

  “What do you mean work?” he whispered so the kids couldn’t hear.

  “I told you, I’m starting up my photography business again. I’ve already had two shoots, and I need to do some editing.”

  “I told you that you didn’t need to do that.”

  “Are you ready to come home Michael?”

  His blue eyes looked guilty once again. He didn’t answer.

  “Then I need to do this.”

  “Maybe if you weren’t working, you wouldn’t be so stressed out.”

  I sighed. “Michael, if you think that’s what’s stressing me out, you don’t know me at all.”

  “Carly…”

  The kids were ready, so they both came up and hugged me tight and said how much they would miss me. I think it bothered Michael, but what could he expect? He’d been absent for almost a month. I sent them off and tried to hold back the tears. I didn’t want this to become our lives.

  “Don’t keep them out too late,” I called. “It’s a school night.”

  Michael looked up at me from the bottom step of our stone porch. “I got this, Carly.”

  “Ok.” I smiled.

  I walked back in and rubbed my abdomen. I did that a lot lately. I drew comfort from it. Then I puked. It was lovely. Once I got my nightly ritual of losing my lunch over with, I walked up to the loft and put on some classic rock and went to work. I started first with Dr. White’s family. We’d done a photo shoot at the old railroad station and the pictures turned out completely adorable, if I did say so myself. I had pangs of jealousy as I edited the pictures of the happy family, especially the shots of just Emma and Jace. I so wanted that again.

  Halfway through editing my senior photo shoot, my rug rats returned with their daddy in tow. I was surprised he walked in. I half expected him to just drop them off at the curb and have them ring the doorbell. The kids called out, “Mommy,” and I yelled out that I was upstairs. I immediately heard tiny footsteps running up the stairs toward me. I loved that sound.