The Sidelined Wife Read online

  Lick the spoon.

  Raw cookie dough is worth risking salmonella poisoning. You only live once, might as well enjoy it.

  Cereal can replace any meal.

  Frozen food will not kill your family, at least not while you are feeding it to them.

  Fat weighs less than muscle. I’ll let you proceed with that information how you best see fit.

  Don’t let the number on the scale rule your mood. P.S. remind me of this daily.

  The next step is always the most important step you will ever take.

  You can always take a step back if you need to.

  Send thank-you notes.

  It’s okay if you don’t know everything.

  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  You don’t find your soul mate, you make them.

  Don’t take what’s not yours, especially someone’s spouse.

  It’s okay to burn bridges.

  Look back to learn, but don’t dwell.

  And maybe life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you’re going to get. But don’t be afraid to spit that crappy filled piece of chocolate right out of your mouth. Try every piece in the box until you get the right one. And once you get the right one, a new box will come along, and you’ll have to start over. That’s life. It’s a series of starting over and over.

  Here’s to forty.

  Sidelined Wife in Chief

  Reed was one of those pieces of chocolate I wasn’t too sure about, but once I was brave enough to taste it, I liked it. A lot. But now I wondered if I had soured in his mouth. Or perhaps I wasn’t exactly the filling he was looking for. I knew things would eventually end, but I wasn’t ready. I enjoyed our friendship and rendezvous. I thought he had too. Some part of me maybe even thought there could be more someday.

  ~*~

  I never thought I would start forty this way: divorced, single parent, in some weird relationship with a guy I once babysat, and more confused than ever about life.

  My birthday was going to be a low-key affair owing to the big party on Saturday. It started with a text from Reed wishing me a happy birthday, but even from his text I could tell something was off. There were no teases about what he would like to be doing to me or plans for seeing each other. It was just, Happy birthday, Sam. Have a great day. My fans on Facebook were more personal than that. I got smiley faces and hearts from them. Even all caps from some. And wishes for the best year ever.

  I decided to take my own advice and acted instead of waiting to be acted upon. I didn’t want to lose Reed’s presence in my life.

  Thank you. Cody might stay with his grandma next weekend. If he does, I would like to make you dinner at my place. I could wear that black dress.

  I waited for his reply while I made Cody breakfast. Reed was taking longer than normal to reply. Maybe I should have called.

  The oatmeal was done and in bowls by the time I got his response.

  It’s a date.

  Maybe not as enthusiastic as usual, but I would take it.

  Can’t wait.

  Me either.

  That was better.

  So maybe all would be right in the world, at least for the day.

  ~*~

  My birthday had a surprise after all. Delanie called me mid-afternoon while I was at work.

  “Are you sitting down?”

  “Yes, but now I feel like I should stand up in case I need to get help.”

  “You might want a paper bag to breathe into. You’re going to be on TV.”

  It felt like a vessel in my brain popped. No words would form for several seconds. “What?”

  “Kevin called. He wants you as a client, bad. He’s booked you a gig, free of charge.”

  “I don’t do gigs.”

  “You do now.”

  “No. No.”

  “You haven’t even heard what it is.”

  “You said ‘TV.’ Enough said. The camera adds like fifty pounds and highlights your wrinkles.”

  She laughed. “You don’t have wrinkles and you’re thin. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “I know, because I’m not doing it.”

  “You can’t pass this up.”

  “What is ‘this’?”

  “Have you ever watched Weekend Musings on channel ten?”

  “A few times, but it’s been awhile.”

  “Well, brush up on it, because they want you to come on and make your ‘protein balls’ and chat with them. No big deal.”

  “This is huge, like the-Cub’s-winning-the-World-Series huge.”

  “I understand why you may feel like that, but these local weekend morning shows don’t have huge ratings. Think of it like dipping your toe into the pool to see if you want to dive in.”

  “This is insane.”

  “It’s mini-insane.” Delanie was quick with a comeback.

  “Then I’ll only have a mini heart attack.”

  “Does this mean you’ll do it?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “I’ll be there with you. I’ll make sure they give us a list of questions they might ask.”

  “They do that?” I drummed my fingers on the desk.

  “These types of shows are more scripted than you think.”

  “Huh. That’s disappointing.”

  “The exposure would be good, and it would really add some legitimacy to your brand.”

  “I can’t believe I have a brand.”

  “Well, you do, and like any living thing, it has to be fed.”

  “What if it eats me up whole?” That was a real question and one I’d been thinking about lately.

  “That will only happen if you let it. I’ll come with you. Avery can come too.”

  “I’m going to have to think about it. Like forever.”

  “You have until tomorrow morning. They had a cancellation so they are scrambling to fill it and need to know sooner rather than later.”

  “No pressure there.”

  She laughed. “I’ll call you later to talk you into it.”

  I was going to need a lot more than a pep talk. A lobotomy was coming to mind.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Sending you happy vibes.

  Can’t wait to see you on Weekend Musings.

  What time is it again?

  Can I stream it online?

  My followers had been posting sweet notes to my Facebook page.

  I’d lost my head and agreed to do the show. More like Avery and Delanie made me do it. They hounded me until I said yes. Honestly though, it wasn’t the scariest thing I had to do today.

  Cody was spending the night at Gelaire’s with his dad and sister. That was still hard for me to say. Cody had a sister, and it wasn’t my daughter. My dad was dropping him off for me since I had to be at the news studio way too early for a Saturday—or any day. Apparently, I had to have makeup done and meet the hosts beforehand. Delanie had been prepping me all week. I kept running through my head have an opinion, but not an ego; be funny; don’t give one-word answers. It’s hard to be funny when you’re trying to be, and one-word answers are so easy.

  After I embarrassed myself on TV, then it would be time to get ready for Reed. I hadn’t really seen him since the night I went to his place. I caught glimpses of him at both football games that had been played in the interim. I had a feeling he might be bummed tonight. They had won last week, the final game of the regular season, but last night they lost their first playoff game, knocking them out. The season was over. It was a great season, even if they didn’t make it to the championship. Reed should be proud of his first season as head coach.

  I’d called him late last night to see if he needed consoling. It was a short conversation, like most of them had been for the past two weeks. I almost wondered if he still wanted to come over.

  I rushed around getting ready. Gelaire had helped me pick out a red trumpet blouse, black pants that really made me look womanly, and paired them with those fabulous shoes she had bought me earlier t
o go with the little black number I was planning to wear tonight. Maybe? Were Reed and I over? I hoped not. Or were we ever anything?

  While I brushed my teeth, my phone buzzed on the counter; I had been monitoring the time with it.

  Good luck this morning. I can’t wait to see you tonight.

  I let out a sigh of relief. So maybe I was worrying for nothing. Reed’s text especially meant a lot since the sun wasn’t even up and he had to be exhausted from the game the night before.

  Thank you. Me too. Bring your appetite. I was making red wine stew. Now that we were into November, winter was knocking on the door, and it was soup and stew kind of weather. We already had a couple inches of snow.

  For you or the food? Reed was back.

  I’d missed his playful banter.

  Both.

  I’ll be ravenous. Get ready.

  Oh, I would be. I’d missed him.

  I headed up to Cody’s room before I left. This was a huge weekend for him. I don’t think he would admit it, but part of him was excited to be a big brother. When he was little, he used to ask for a little brother or sister for Christmas. Each year, I begged Neil to change his mind. Once he’d said fine, but it wasn’t his first choice. I couldn’t bring a baby into the world under those circumstances. Maybe I should have. Neil, from all accounts, was the ever-doting father this go-around. I tried not to dwell on it.

  I sat on the edge of Cody’s bed. His room was as messy and pungent as ever. Maybe with football season over the air fresheners might start to make a dent again. I brushed his hair. I was loving the curl.

  “Hey, sleepyhead.”

  One eye opened and he gave me an if-you-weren’t-my-mother-I-would-kill-you look.

  “I’m leaving to go make a fool of myself on TV. We may have to change our names and move after this.”

  He rolled his one eye. He’d already told me earlier this week not to say anything about him on TV.

  “This is serious.”

  He mumbled something unintelligible. He seemed to try to know as little as possible about the Sidelined Wife stuff. I wasn’t sure if it was because it embarrassed him or because he was truly a Decker man and he liked to live in oblivion.

  I kissed his head. “Have fun this weekend. Give your dad a chance.”

  Those words were hard to say. But watching my family fall apart only made it hit home how important family was. We had to heal the rifts when we could. If Neil was willing to try, Cody needed to let him and participate. As much as it hurt, I had to help Cody see that. I was sure if things went well this weekend, I would have to share Cody more than I was used to or wanted to.

  Some more moans and groans escaped Cody. I think there was an okay somewhere in there.

  I kissed his head once more. “Grandpa will be here in a few hours. Don’t forget your bag. And if anything happens, I’m a phone call away. I can be to you in thirty minutes if I have to be.”

  He nodded, rolled over, and hid his face with his blanket. I suppose that was his way of dismissing me.

  I felt like throwing up on the drive downtown with Avery and Delanie, and it wasn’t because Avery drove like she was an Indy 500 racer. My mind was going blank. I couldn’t remember my name or how to make protein balls. Samantha. Yes. Yes. I could work with that.

  I listened to Delanie and Avery chat in the front seat about Thanksgiving and how Delanie and Peter would be going to New York. I thought Delanie’s parents lived in Oregon. I didn’t ask, though, because opening my mouth was only giving the vomit an invitation to come spewing out. I wondered if Ma knew they’d be away. Holidays were a big deal to her. And Avery and James were headed to Iowa to be with Avery’s family. My heart constricted, thinking that technically—and by law—Neil could have Cody for Thanksgiving this year. I couldn’t take all these thoughts as I sped toward my utter embarrassment.

  I prayed silently to every saint I could think of—except Valentine—for help. That guy had been no use whatsoever.

  I was in a daze while I was herded around the studio set and behind the scenes. Was this real? Why did everything seem shiny, even the people? Maybe all the lights? I felt like I should invest in teeth whitener strips. The hosts, Marla and Manny, nicknamed M&M, especially gleamed. Marla was a former model that still looked like the catwalk would love her with her luscious dark tresses and goddess cheekbones. Manny was what my followers would call Latin-lover material. He had caramel skin, beautiful brown eyes, and a voice that could talk you into anything. I only met them briefly; they said they wanted to save it for the show, whatever that meant.

  You know what made it even worse? They had a studio audience. How did I not remember that there would be people there to laugh in my face?

  Avery and Delanie were having the time of their lives, chatting it up and eating the food provided for the crew and guests. Who could eat at a time like this? I was never eating again.

  I sat, dazed, in a makeup chair while the makeup artist, Liv, did her best to clog my pores with massive doses of what felt like shellac for my face. Liv even offered fake eyelashes. No thanks.

  I was the second guest. M&M were interviewing the cast of a local playhouse first, talking about their upcoming holiday schedule and performances. All the actors looked so good sitting on the immaculate white couches. They sounded good too, charming and funny. And they sang, like bring-the-house-down kind of singing.

  I shook my head, watching the monitor in the green room I was in. “I can’t do this.”

  Avery and Delanie both laughed like this was some kind of joke. “Of course you can,” they both said.

  Avery must have clued in to the sheer terror in my eyes. She took my hands. “You are going to be amazing. Just pretend like you’re talking to friends or typing on your laptop. You talk to strangers every day.”

  “They don’t see me, though, and I have a delete button on my laptop. There is no taking anything back here.”

  Delanie stepped in. “The reason they asked you on is because they like your candidness and honesty. If you say something off the cuff, they’ll love it.”

  “Let out the breath you’re holding,” Avery suggested. “You got this.”

  Whether I did or not, it was my turn. I had a production assistant coming to march me to my death. This called for some macabre music. Avery and Delanie each gave me a squeeze and I was off like a lamb to the slaughter.

  Before I knew it, I was in the wings listening to people talk about someone I wasn’t sure I knew.

  “We have a special treat this morning, a homegrown celebrity that is taking social media by storm. That’s right, we have the Sidelined Wife in the house. If you haven’t heard of her yet, you will. She’s known for her quick wit, and advice on everything from sex, fashion, and how to make your toilets sparkle.”

  Did they really need to bring that up? Ma was going to flip about the mention of sex.

  “She’s here today to delight us with her wisdom and to show us how to make her famous glorified cookies—I mean, ‘protein balls.’” Marla and Manny laughed together before standing up to greet me.

  The assistant had to push me out there.

  Don’t fall, don’t fall, smile, make eye contact, don’t fall.

  Like a bizarre dream, I walked out onto the set, which was a lot cooler in person. It looked like someone from HGTV had designed the set. It was stylish, homey, but with a dose of class. White furniture with wicker baskets and rustic vases filled the space.

  Applause rang in my ears as I approached the shiny hosts with outstretched arms. Oh, we were hugging. That wasn’t awkward at all. But it wasn’t bad—Manny smelled like crisp citrus. It was nice. Not Reed nice, but nice. Was Reed watching? I’d given him the time. I couldn’t think about it. Focus, Sam.

  “Welcome, welcome.” Marla waved to the chair near the couch where they sat. “Have a seat.”

  Sitting was good; my legs felt like jelly. At least I hadn’t fallen. ‘Thank you for having me.” I smiled. Or did I? My face felt frozen.
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  Manny was closest to me and leaned in, blinding me with his gleaming smile. “Tell us a little bit about yourself.”

  I said the first thing that popped into my head. “Well, I just turned forty, I’m a divorced, single mom, but I do get to host my book club this month, so you could say I’m living the dream.” That sounded so dumb. Why was everyone laughing?

  “What did we tell you? Isn’t she great?” Marla addressed the audience.

  “The big question on our minds is, do you know who Autumn Moone is? She’s really who we have to thank for bringing us you.” Manny patted my knee. Was that allowed?

  “I don’t think she knew the kind of crazy she was unleashing on the world when she posted my blog, but I would love to thank her in real life. And find out if Laine and Hunter will finally be getting together.”

  “Don’t we all wish we knew that?” Marla fanned herself. “What do you predict?”

  “I think they’ll come together, but will get torn apart by the end.”

  “Ooh, good theory, and it means more Hunter Black books,” Marla purred.

  “I’ll buy every one.” I smiled.

  We chatted some more on the couch before they wheeled in a kitchen, or at least a kitchen counter. Did I mention how bizarre this was? Before I knew it, I was in an apron plastered with Marla and Manny’s faces on it, standing there getting ready to make protein balls.

  All the ingredients were laid out and premeasured. I was told just to mix and explain. They even had some premade protein balls under the counter for Manny to pull out when I was done making a few as a demonstration.

  While I dumped the oats and scraped the peanut butter into the mixing bowl in front of me, they continued to talk to me.

  “You know, I have a bone to pick with you,” Manny teased. “My girlfriend asked me to sign one of your NDAs.”

  Laughter filled the studio.

  “I have several printed out, ready to go,” Marla jumped in. “Women needed something like this a long time ago.”

  “Not according to my mom. Hi, Ma.” I waved. That was going to cost me.

  More laughter.