The Sidelined Wife Page 22

  Tony’s head popped up at the mention of me being local. Great, now I was going to get caught in a lie.

  “Thank you, but I’m not interested.” I tried to skirt over the issue and decided I would go ahead and be rude. I texted Reed. Can you believe this woman?

  Belinda didn’t get the hint. “Of course you are. You know those looks won’t last forever. If you want to snag another man, you better get on it.” She sounded like my mother, but worse, which I didn’t know was possible when it came to this subject.

  I’d had enough. I turned toward beaming Belinda. “I appreciate your offer, but if and when I ever decide to remarry, it will be to a man that is more concerned about who I am as a person and not how I look.”

  Her mouth fell open in disbelief. “Honey, men fall in love with their eyes, not their hearts.”

  “You haven’t met the right men then.”

  “You can believe your fairytale.” She turned in a huff.

  I looked down at Tony, who was painting my nails at a furious pace, hoping to help Belinda, I’m sure. Why wasn’t I surprised?

  Don’t believe her, Sam.

  I stared at Reed’s message. I didn’t want to believe her, but sometimes I wondered.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Our pedicure date was not the fun or relaxing event I’d hoped it would be. The worst part was that we wouldn’t be able to see each other for a while, at least not alone. Suddenly, life and the Sidelined Wife took over. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

  First up was homecoming. It, too, did not go as planned. The Panthers lost their first game by one measly point. It was hard fought. Cody didn’t get to play at all. And Neil was another no-show. The season was going to be over soon, and I had zero hopes of him making it to a game. His excuse this time was a false labor scare. I knew the due date was close. To be honest, it had me reliving a lot of bad memories. I’d wanted more children more than anything. It had caused a lot of discord in our marriage.

  Cody wasn’t the easiest of babies; he was colicky. Once we got that sorted out, he was a party animal at night. I felt like I didn’t sleep for two years. They were rough times, but I loved it, if that made sense. His smile in the middle of the night always made up for it. Neil was not left with the same impression. I think he was jealous of the time I had to give Cody; Neil’s baby was his career.

  For years I ached for another child. Neil would never budge. And now here he was, having what I always wanted. Avery was right, life was so damn unfair.

  After the game Friday, I wanted to comfort Reed. Wrap my arms around him and tell him they would get them next time, but I barely got to wave at him before I walked off with a dejected Cody. It was a somber scene after the game. I saw a few tears in the boys’ eyes. Nothing to be ashamed of.

  Saturday I spent all day helping Cody get ready for his big first date. I ended up having to hem his pants, and at the last minute, he decided he hated the tie we picked out earlier in the week, so we made a trip to the nearby department store to get the perfect pink tie to match Rory’s dress, which I prayed covered up more than it showed.

  Yeah, that was a pipe dream. The Teen Vogue princess showed up in a dress that left nothing to the imagination, and my son had never grinned so wide. I was going to need a valium. I almost wished we bought a corsage that had to be pinned on and Cody would have stuck her and ruined the pink Tinkerbell dress. Instead, I snapped pictures of Cody slipping the wrist corsage on. I had to pin on his boutonniere, because little Miss Thing’s fake nails were ridiculously long. I kept imagining her scratching my son with those and then I had some violent thoughts. I would be checking Cody’s back when he returned, and if I saw one claw mark, there would be hell to pay.

  Rory was older than Cody and had a license already. She drove a Miata. Thankfully there wasn’t a lot of room in those babies, but I also knew it didn’t take a lot and, well, you could get inventive in the heat of the moment. I couldn’t do this. I sent up a prayer to Saint Jude to rescue me and my son. My son, who looked so happy and like he’d hit the jackpot.

  I embarrassed him and hugged him extra-long before they walked out the door together hand in hand.

  I watched my son open her car door. She stood on her tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. He touched his cheek and helped her in. At least I had raised a gentleman. Tears welled up in my eyes. This was all so new, and I was alone. I hated Neil even more in that moment. I was supposed to have someone to turn to and tell me it would all be okay. That this was normal, the natural progression of things. There was nothing natural about watching your baby take his first steps into a world where you were no longer needed.

  I can do this, I chanted to myself. I’d been alone in this parenting thing most of our marriage anyway.

  With the last tear wiped away, the doorbell rang. Did Cody forget his house key? Or maybe I got lucky and he decided he’d rather stay home with his mom on a Saturday night. So, I was living in a fantasy world.

  I opened the door and came face to face with a vase full of multi-colored roses, red, pink, purple, yellow, peach, white, all mixed together.

  “I have a delivery for Samantha Decker,” the man holding the bouquet informed me. “I’m going to need you to sign for them.”

  I took the man’s pen and scribbled my name on some electronic device before he handed me the large bouquet with a card sticking out. I had a feeling I knew who they were from, but I couldn’t think of why he would send me flowers; my birthday wasn’t for another nine days.

  I walked the flowers back to the kitchen, set them on the island, and eagerly grabbed the card. The tiny card read, I wanted to get you a corsage, but I didn’t know what color dress you would have worn tonight had we been able to go together. I chose every color they had to cover my bases. I’ll be missing you in my arms tonight.

  I pressed the card to my chest. I looked down at the sweater and jeans I was wearing, wishing I was dressed up for a night with Reed.

  I grabbed my phone. The flowers are beautiful. Thank you. I would have worn a little black dress.

  Promise me you’ll wear it for me someday. He responded right away.

  I promise.

  I’ll keep an eye on Cody for you.

  Thank you.

  You got this, Sam.

  It was exactly what I needed to hear.

  I took the flowers to my room and hid the card in my top drawer with all the sexy underwear I had no use for except to hide all the little notes and cards from Reed. I knew if Cody, for whatever reason, ever looked in there, he would close it right back up and never look past the silk, lacy panties and bras.

  I spent the rest of the night polishing my speech and checking the time, anxiously waiting for Cody to return. I had entered a new phase in my life. Those phases seemed to be coming in a tidal wave. I hoped I didn’t drown.

  ~*~

  Sunday did me no favors. It, too, didn’t turn out like I’d hoped. Reed wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it to dinner. Maybe it was a good thing. The mood at the table was somber, our party of twelve was down to nine. Delanie and Peter’s empty chairs were glaring reminders of the divide present in our family. Even our rambunctious teenagers were subdued. Everyone seemed to be looking into their plates of pot roast and mashed potatoes. Except Ma, whose red eyes were daring anyone to tell her this was all her fault. She knew darn well it was.

  I reached over and took Ma’s hand. “Ma, please. This isn’t right.”

  She steeled her already stiff stance. “I never told them they weren’t welcome here.”

  “Delanie never felt welcome.”

  “That’s not my fault.” She pulled her hand away.

  I looked down the table at Dad, who shook his head at me as if to say drop it. But how could I? The holidays were coming up, and this wasn’t what being a Decker was all about.

  “Ma,” emotion crept in to my voice, “we have lost too much in this family already. I can’t stand the thought of another person missing at this t
able.”

  Ma’s eyes blurred with tears. Hope rose in my chest, but fell when she stood up and threw her napkin in her chair without a word.

  A collective sigh filled the dining room.

  Mimsy threw cash at the boys. Even I got a ten-dollar bill out of it, like that would make it all better.

  The only good thing to come out of the night was that I got to see where Reed lived. Ma insisted we take a plate to him since he was sick. I called Peter for his address, since it would look suspicious if I texted Reed. I offered to bring Peter and Delanie a plate too, but he declined. I hated this.

  I had Cody run the plate up to Reed’s cute front door. Reed was renting a darling, older brick rambler. It had a yellow door and black shutters. Wrought iron railing lined the brick steps to the door. The yard was small, but well kept. I noticed the navy-blue curtains he’d picked out hung in the front window.

  I hoped he was feeling better; he sounded miserable when I talked to him earlier. I had been thinking about a way to do something for him. Ma, unbeknownst to her, helped. She probably would have had an aneurysm if she knew we’d been seeing each other. She was hoping to set him up with Penelope Gifford, a nice younger woman that had recently returned home from modeling in Italy. Reed had acted mildly interested. It made me wonder how much time we had left.

  I caught a glimpse of Reed. Even from my car, I could tell he didn’t feel well. His hair was going in all different directions and he was in pajama pants, no shirt. I’m just going to say a word I never thought I would say unless I was talking about my fictional boyfriend, Hunter Black. Yum. So I said it and I felt ridiculous for it. I rubbed my face. I was a mother, I repeated to myself.

  Reed waved at me and I waved back, trying not to think about how good my hands would feel on his taut, defined chest. It was a far cry from the undefined bald chest I remembered from his adolescent days. I rolled down my window a tad to let some cold air in.

  Cody jumped back into the car. “Coach said ‘thank you.’”

  “How’s he doing?”

  Cody shrugged. “I don’t know. He sounded bad.” He had inherited the Decker men’s unobservant gene.

  It turned out Reed was in bad shape, like walking pneumonia bad. So bad, we missed our grocery shopping date and I snuck soup over to him and left it on his front porch. He didn’t want me to get sick and I didn’t want us to get caught, but when I dropped off the chicken noodle soup, I couldn’t help but want to go in.

  I missed him, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Thunderous applause rang in my ears. I looked over the crowd of women who had each been seated at their respective round tables eating lunch. Those same women were now on their feet, clapping for me. Reed suggested I end with the line he loved so much about none of us truly being empowered until we all were. From the looks of it, it had an effect.

  My heart was pounding wildly. I wasn’t expecting such a response. I only spoke from the heart about my journey and where I hoped to go. I used football as an analogy for how we can empower women and girls. I talked about the teamwork it required and how if we as adult women stopped comparing ourselves, how much better equipped we would make the next generation of women. I talked about the need to persevere, even if the odds were against us and it looked like we might lose. The great thing about life, though, was there was plenty of overtime; we just couldn’t give up. These were all things I needed to hear more than anyone.

  I had posted the speech on my blog that morning and had gotten the same response, minus the standing ovation. Though a few people sent standing ovation gifs. Others sent some not-so-nice ones. The more followers I got, the more detractors that came with it. I was called, among other things, a flaming feminist, bitter, ugly, and with Halloween around the corner, someone wished a house to fall on me.

  There was enough love for me, though, that I had met with Delanie, a Chicago-based marketing group, and agent to talk about “selling me” earlier in the week. That sounded awful and frightening, because it was. It was also exciting and intriguing.

  These people were talking about getting me on talk shows and shopping around for a publisher. The agent even threw out reality TV. I shut that down immediately. I had enough reality in my life. I didn’t need some camera crew following me around documenting it. Besides, I was boring. He wouldn’t let it drop. He was thinking of doing like a Bachelorette type show where I chose to get back in the game and choose my next husband. Never in a million years was that going to happen. Marriage wasn’t meant to be mocked. I didn’t care that Kevin, my wannabe agent, was throwing around six-figure numbers at me.

  I didn’t even have time to see Reed, and I already knew I liked him.

  In all the chaos, and with his illness, I wasn’t going to get to really see him until James and Avery’s Halloween party that Saturday night, two days before my birthday. Even then, we wouldn’t be able to connect in the way I would have liked. The way he kept texting me about how he planned to make me gasp, I was ready.

  I probably shouldn’t have been thinking about all that while I was standing in front of strangers taking in their applause. I should have been thinking about my exit strategy. What was I supposed to say and do?

  Thankfully Delanie and Avery were in the audience. I looked to them. Delanie was trying to mouth something to me. She was a smart girl. Like, I-really-wanted-to-know-what-she-did-for-a-living smart. You should have seen the way she handled the agent and marketing firm. I was beginning to think that online publication she worked for paid her some serious bucks, and she was worth every penny. She was savvy and showed them who was boss right down to telling them if we used them, we wanted full control and say over anything that had the Sidelined Wife’s name attached to it. She even named an entertainment lawyer we would be bringing to our next meeting. When I’d asked her how she knew one, she brushed it off.

  I finally figured out what Delanie was mouthing: Tell them where to look for you online and thank them for hosting you.

  Oh yeah, I think she mentioned that beforehand when I almost puked from nerves. I stood up tall at the podium with the Clearfield’s Women League sign adorning it. I took a deep breath. “Thank you so much. I’m overwhelmed. If you want to hear more from me, please follow me online. You can find me at theSidelinedWife.com or on Facebook. Thank you.”

  I did my best to gracefully exit the stage. I shook the president of the league’s hand on my way off the raised platform. She was a lovely lady, from what I could tell.

  I walked to the table where Avery, Delanie, and the leaders of the league were all gathered. My sisters greeted me with open arms. I drew from their strength and sent a prayer of thanks up for not wetting my pants, tripping, vomiting, mispronouncing words, or in general embarrassing myself. But, honestly, what had I gotten myself into?

  ~*~

  I wondered that exact same thing when I showed up to Avery and James’s annual Halloween party across town in my Little Red Riding Hood costume a few days later. It was a mix of sweet and sexy, with a full-length red satin cape, and a corseted dress that fell a couple of inches above my knee. I wore white stockings to my knees with heels.

  It wasn’t really anything I would want my mother to see me in. Which was why I dropped Cody off at my parents’ place to stay the night with Jimmy and Matt before I dressed up like a very grown-up Red Riding Hood. Also, James and Avery’s parties sometimes got a little wild. That’s what happens when you throw alcohol into the mix. Nothing we needed our children to see. Or the parents. Or so I thought.

  I had asked Avery if she wanted me to come early and help, but she repeatedly told me she had it covered. She specifically told me to show up at 6:30 that night. I did as she instructed, with my basket full of wolf-shaped cookies I’d made earlier in the day. I was being one of those over-achievers. It wouldn’t last. But every Little Red Riding Hood needed a wolf, and mine tasted yummy.

  When I showed up, there was a hardly a car in their mi
ddle-of-the-middle-class neighborhood, and none but mine in front of their house. So maybe Avery wanted me to be there early to help after all, I thought. It made sense; the party normally started at 7:00.

  I almost felt like skipping up the stone paver walk. Not sure where that urge came from. Maybe because I knew I would see Reed, or perhaps I kind of liked the way I was looking tonight. Even my hair did what I wanted it to. Sexy curls outlined my face. It looked great with the hood.

  I shook my head at their door with a sign that read, Sorry, We’re Dead. That was James’s idea. He loved that sign and couldn’t wait to put it out every year. Avery would promptly replace it the day after Halloween next week with a fall harvest wreath.

  I tapped on the door before turning the knob to let myself in, like I normally did.

  For a split second, the front room and foyer were dark. The next second, it was all lit up and several people jumped up and shouted, “Surprise! Happy Birthday!”

  I was so startled I dropped my basket of cookies. It took me a second to process what had happened and focus in on the familiar faces. Avery caught my eye first, beaming, knowing she had pulled off this little ruse of hers. She was coming my way with open arms. Before I could hug her, I caught a glimpse of Reed. Was he wearing a wolf mask? I had told him what I was coming as tonight. I didn’t have time to worry about it. I was being bombarded with throngs of family and old friends I hadn’t seen in a while

  Avery wrapped her tiny arms around me. She was the cutest Alice in Wonderland to James’s Mad Hatter costume. “Happy birthday! Are you surprised?”

  I reciprocated the hug. “That is an understatement. How long have you been planning this?”

  She released me and grinned. “Forever. You only turn forty once.”

  Forty? I was still coming to terms with that number. While everyone was saying the forties are the new twenties, my body was saying, You wish.