The Girl in Seat 24B Page 19

  “Probably not as much as you should,” he texted back.

  At least he got that part right.

  Well, there went my day. I ended up on the couch watching my mantra movie, ‘Something to Talk About’ and added in the ‘The First Wives Club’. Maybe not the best movies, but it was cathartic to watch women get even with husbands or ex-husbands who had treated them like dirt. I was jealous.

  Considering I had been lying around all day, I was sure tired by the time I picked up the kids. I was still walking every day to drop them off and pick them up. It seemed like every day it got a little harder. Thankfully, it was the last week of September and the weather was no longer scorching, now it was just balmy. I was growing steadily, and I felt like the baby had dropped some. It was just that stage where I was going to be uncomfortable regardless. The emotional roller coaster didn’t help either.

  No matter how bad my mood was, it was always made better when I saw my two kiddos walking out of school with big smiles on their faces. Mia loved kindergarten, and I could tell by Ashton’s countenance he liked second grade, even though he didn’t gush like Mia. For just a minute I forgot about their asinine daddy.

  Of course, that’s when Mia decided to bring him up. “Did daddy send us any postcards today?”

  I sighed, “Yep.”

  They both took off running toward the house, leaving me to call after them to slow down. I just didn’t move that fast anymore. They slowed down, and I slowly caught up. As we walked home, I noticed signs that the leaves were just about ready to change colors. It reminded me that I should probably start thinking about Halloween costumes, and maybe if I was feeling ambitious, I could get out my autumn decorations and we would dress up the front porch. As difficult as this year had been, it had sure flown by.

  Jack’s truck was in the driveway when we arrived. He was waiting on the porch. Ashton had soccer practice, and Jack was my savior, as always; he had been taking it upon himself to take Ashton for me. It was good male bonding time, as he put it. The kids ran up the porch and greeted Papa with hugs and kisses. I took my turn too.

  “Hi, Dad,” I said as I kissed his cheek. It just seemed so natural to call him that now.

  “You look tired, my dear.”

  “Good, because I am.” I smiled.

  He winked at me. I loved him.

  I quickly got the kids a snack of peanut butter and sliced apples at the breakfast bar. While they ate, I asked Jack if I could talk to him in the living room for a moment. As soon as we were situated on the couch, I quietly told him about the news I received earlier that day from my attorney.

  “So what do you think?”

  A Cheshire grin erupted from his lined face. That was not the reaction I expected. “It’s about time.”

  “About time for what?”

  “About dang time for my son to start fighting for his family.”

  “Come on. You know that’s not what this is about. And besides, I want a divorce.”

  He took my hands and sincerely looked at me. “As you should,” he said. “But don’t expect Mike to make that easy for you. I would be disappointed if he did.”

  My head dropped slightly and my eyes fully opened. That statement took what wind I had left right out of my sails.

  Jack smiled at me sweetly and lifted my chin up. “Chin up, my dear. I’ll be disappointed in you if you don’t give him the run of his life.” He kissed my forehead, just like his son had on many occasions, and then he called after Ashton to get his gear.

  I just sat there, puzzled. I was starting to question reality again. I used to be such a sane person, I thought. In a split-second decision, I decided I needed to get out of the house. Being cooped up all day had not done me any good. “Mia,” I called. “Do you want to go to the store with Mommy and get some flowers and pumpkins for the porch?”

  She came running out of the kitchen and enthusiastically agreed to that plan. We left at the same time Jack and Ashton did. I think Ashton was happy he dodged the bullet on the whole shopping trip. “Will you get me a big pumpkin?” he asked as we all walked out the door.

  How could I say no to his sweet smile and beautiful eyes? “I’ll see what I can do.”

  As I buckled Mia into her booster seat, I was reminded I would be giving up my car this weekend. I loved this car. I had had it longer than the kids. They were both brought home in this very backseat. Each time, I sat in the back with them. I was so paranoid when they were babies, and I supposed I would be again. I was sad to see the car go, but we needed that extra row. I had decided on another 4Runner, but this time I was getting leather and more seating. The car was being delivered this weekend to the dealership, so I just had a few days left with this old gal. I decided when I got home to take some pictures of her and pull out a few from the past. It would be the perfect spotlight of my next blog.

  On the way to Home Depot I looked in the rearview mirror at Mia. “Honey, what do you want to be for Halloween this year?”

  “A butterfly,” she said as if it was obvious.

  I wasn’t surprised in the least, but I thought I should at least ask. Her request was easy enough. I could make butterfly wings, and I would just buy a leotard and some tights. I would ask Ashton tonight what his plans were. I figured I better get on it, there was a possibility this baby could be born before All Hollow’s Eve. Honestly, I hoped so.

  Mia and I filled up a large flatbed cart full of mums, pumpkins, baskets, urns and cornstalks. I even picked up some paint samples for my master bedroom. I knew I wouldn’t be painting it anytime soon, but I wanted to start to get some ideas. I had already changed out the bedding to an all-white ruffled set. It was completely beautiful and impractical with little ones, but I loved it. By the time we left the store, it all barely fit in the back of my car. Mia had cornstalks tickling her head.

  Thankfully, we got home at the same time as Jack and Ashton. Jack was a dear and insisted on carrying my items to the porch. He berated me for lifting the said objects in the first place. I just grinned and reminded him again that women walked across the plains pregnant.

  “Yes, but they weren’t carrying my granddaughter.”

  I smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

  The rest of the evening kept me busy with dinner, bathing children, and bedtime. I was wiped out by the time I settled into bed. Of course, that was the baby’s cue to begin her nightly party. I saw many sleepless nights in my near future. I’ll admit, I was fearful being on my own after the baby came. I knew I wouldn’t be the first woman to go it alone, but how do you take care of a baby all night and then get up and take care of the older children and the house and meals and everything else that needed to be done? I knew Jack and Danielle would help, but I couldn’t ask them to stay overnight or come over every morning. I was going to miss someone to burp the baby after I fed her, or waking up to see Michael walking back and forth with her and talking to her like he had done with Mia and Ashton. Instead, I would be cursing him from afar as he would be sleeping peacefully at his apartment or in a hotel room. I really did hate him.

  Of course, just as that horrid feeling was coursing through me, he called. I debated again on answering, but he and I were having it out; he was going to give me the divorce I deserved, and he was going to give it to me as soon as possible.

  “Hi, Honey.”

  “Are you serious?” He’d never once called me honey. He found it cliché and overused.

  “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  “No amount of sweet talk will help you.”

  “Come on, Carly.”

  “No, Michael. Just tell me why. Why, after all of this? Why do you have to make this difficult? This is what you wanted.”

  “I never said I wanted a divorce.”

  “You left me and you said you didn’t love me anymore! No need to get hung up on the fine details!”

  “Carly, I know. I know I’ve screwed everything up and none of this has been fair to you and you have every right
to hate me, but I don’t think we’ve given this a fair chance to work out.”

  “We? Did you just imply that I didn’t give this a chance?”

  “Ok, let me rephrase that. I didn’t try the way I should have. And I know I have no right to ask, but I’m asking you for time. Time for me to at least try.”

  I just set the phone down for a minute. I didn’t know whether to scream or cry or both. I took a big, cleansing breath and counted to ten. That didn’t work, so I counted to ten again.

  I tried to be calm. “Michael, that time has passed. How could I ever trust you again after everything you’ve put me and the kids through? Please, can we just cut our losses and compromise on the terms of the divorce? Like I told you before, I’ll take alimony and child support and we can have joint custody, as long as the kids stay with me during the week, except for my baby until she’s at least weaned.”

  “Wait a second, why do you keep saying my baby? I’ve noticed that lately.”

  “Because this is my baby!”

  “Maybe you need a biology lesson.”

  “We both know you didn’t want this baby and I coerced you into having sex in the first place and you haven’t even tried to be a part of this process other than sending some very nice gifts, so let’s just call it like it is. My baby.”

  He almost laughed. “You really think you needed to coerce me into having sex with you? How long have you known me?”

  “But you haven‘t, we haven’t…”

  “Not because I didn’t want to. Carly, not a day has gone by since I’ve known you that I haven’t wanted to. I didn’t because you deserved better. You deserved to be loved by a man that … a man that was better than me.”

  I didn’t speak. What could I say?

  “And you’re right, Carly. I didn’t want this baby at first, and I’ve had a hard time adjusting to the thought. But these last few weeks as I’ve watched her ultrasound over and over, and as I’ve looked at the photos you’ve taken, it’s made me realize I want our baby. Our baby, Carly.”

  I tried to cry silently. Did he know how much he was killing me?

  “Michael, let’s just compromise on the divorce terms.”

  “Carly, I know that in the end, there’s probably nothing I can do to change your mind, but I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try my hardest. The stay has already been filed and if that doesn’t work, I’ll contest it as far as I can.”

  I sat there completely confounded. So many emotions, so many words and thoughts swirling through my head, but none could escape.

  “Goodnight 24B.”

  Chapter 20

  The next couple of weeks breezed by as I kept myself overly busy. I had to, or I would have to stop and think about the fact that Michael thought he wanted to work things out, and I just couldn’t think about it because I knew how that ended, and I somehow always came up on the losing end. I’d already given him more chances than he deserved. The problem was, he wasn’t giving up. I tried to ignore him, but he wouldn’t let me. He took to leaving long messages on my phone or writing me emails. I even started getting postcards. The subject matter varied as did the volume of the content, but it was always something every day.

  He left a message about my car that went something like this, “Carly I just saw the pictures and your blog about our car. Remember when we first bought it and we thought we should break it in that weekend and go camping up above Gunnison? Remember how it rained all weekend and we ended up spending the whole time in the back. Best camping trip ever.”

  Ok, I had to give him that one. It was the best camping trip ever.

  Or what about this message? “Hey, Carly. I was just thinking. As soon as this election is over, which can’t get here soon enough, and of course after you’ve recovered, we should book a family trip. How does a Disney Cruise sound? Do you think that would be too much for the baby? Probably, right?” He paused for a moment, then said, “We could take a skiing trip to Colorado. Let’s go for Christmas. The kids would love to have snow for Christmas and I wouldn’t mind some quality time with you by the fireplace. I’ll look at some options and email them to you.”

  That was bizarre. He had always hated the thought of a Disney Cruise when I had mentioned it before. The fact that he even considered it was weird. Not like I was even considering it now. We were still getting divorced in my mind.

  And, of course, he wanted frequent updates now on the pregnancy and baby. He was now going online and reading about exactly what the baby should be doing and what kinds of changes my body should be going through. He was also suggesting names, but I already had one picked out; I just wasn’t telling anyone, and he wasn’t getting a choice. He wasn’t even going to be there.

  His latest message was about how everyone on the tour bus, including Joseph and his daughters, were completely in love with my photography, and they all wanted me to take their family pictures. Joseph was even asking if I could take some for his biography, and if he could swing it with the publisher, he wanted me to do the front cover. Michael made sure to mention how I was his screen saver and how everyone was enamored with me too.

  When I wasn’t busy ignoring my phone ringing and listening to voice messages, I was working on costumes. Ashton had decided he wanted to be a grandpa. Jack was so flattered, he handcrafted a small cane for him. I sewed matching plaid shirts for Jack and Ashton so they could both wear them on Halloween. Both kids were going to look adorable. I was hoping to have three kids to dress up, so I bought a newborn pumpkin outfit, just in case.

  At my thirty-six week appointment, Dr. White told me the baby’s head was in the correct position and everything was looking great, she just needed to cook a little longer.

  “Just make sure your in-laws are on speed dial,” she warned me. “Also, practice your breathing techniques since your plan is to go natural again and make sure your bag is packed.”

  I nodded my head in acknowledgement. I had already been practicing my breathing in anticipation. It had worked for the first two, so I was hoping I could survive it again. Albeit, without my coach this time.

  My mother-in-law was pretty nervous about being in the delivery room with me, but she agreed to do it. I considered calling Melanie and asking if she wanted to come and stay for a while and be there with me, but I didn’t see that ending well. I pictured myself more worried about her, and I could just hear her commentary on how awful the whole process was and on the gross factor. I could imagine her puking and maybe even becoming faint. That was a no-go.

  I’ll admit, I teetered on asking Michael if there was any way he could make it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I still planned on divorcing him, even though his stay was granted. I couldn’t be with somebody who could just, on the turn of a dime, decide that he was tired of “playing house” with me, and it wasn’t like he was professing his undying love to me. He just wanted to try and work it out, which in my mind meant he still wasn’t fully committed to the idea. But with all that said, I missed him; maybe I always would. I knew I would miss him in the delivery room and with all that came after, but I had to move on. I had to move forward without him, right?

  At thirty-six weeks and two days, I finished up my last two photo sessions until the New Year. My first one of the day was a newborn session, and it made me even more anxious to hold my own daughter. As I held the one-week-new baby boy, my maternal senses went into overload. New baby scent is intoxicating. My final shoot was an engagement session. The couple was so in love and so young.; he was twenty-three and she was twenty-two. They looked like children. I had the urge to warn the girl that this phase didn’t last, but I remembered what it was like to be in love like that, and I hated it when people would offer their unsolicited advice. Maybe I should have listened, but we each have our own journey, and even though my journey was not ending like I had planned with Michael, I would never say I regretted it. There was too much love, and too many of my greatest joys and loves had come out of this relationship for me to ever regret it. S
o, I just congratulated them and wished them all the best and took the loveliest pictures I could. I tried to use my lens to capture just a hint of what they felt for one another at this moment in their lives. I thought maybe one day, when they had their first argument, like we all do, that they could look at these photos and remember how in love they were and that love was the greatest force on earth.

  The combination of those thoughts, coupled with my exhaustion as I was editing the photos that night long after the kids had gone to sleep, made me forget not to answer my phone when Michael called.

  “Carly. I wasn’t expecting you to answer.”

  “Yeah, me neither,” I said sleepily.

  “Are you alright? You don’t sound well.”

  I thought for a moment. I was going to say I was just tired, but come to think of it, I didn’t feel very well. I felt a little nauseous and my back ached, which wasn’t surprising. I had done too much up and down earlier that day, taking pictures.

  “Honestly, I’m not feeling all that hot. I should probably go to bed.”

  “Maybe you should call the doctor,” he sounded worried.

  “No. I just overdid it today. It was my last day, so I’ll just try and take it easy the next few days.”

  “Are you sure? I worry about you.”

  “Maybe you should have thought about that before you left me to tour the country.” I put my hand to my mouth. “You know what, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just tired.”

  “It’s true, Carly. I shouldn’t have left you and I regret it, but the election will be over in a month and then I’ll be home. There’s even a chance I could see you next weekend. Joseph is thinking about doing a campaign stop through there, even though he will hands down take Georgia in the election. If he does, could you meet me with the kids?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. Listen, Michael, I really need to lie down.”

  “Carly, are you sure you’re ok?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Ok. I’ll call you in the morning. Please answer.”