The Sidelined Wife Read online

  But now I had this large following and people that were vying for my attention in both positive and negative ways. Did I mention I had a date with my son’s coach? I didn’t even know what I was going to wear, other than something casual, per Reed’s instructions. I kept thinking I might back out. But then I would think about my phone conversations with Reed during the week and how much he was looking forward to it.

  I also had some creepy messages to deal with from random men on Facebook after I’d put up my new picture. One guy offered to be my love slave. What? Ew. I had been doing a lot of blocking people this week.

  But one perk was that Autumn Moone was going to have her publisher send me and my sisters-in-law advanced copies of A Black Night in November. A full month before it released in December. Avery and I might have squealed over it. Delanie acted mildly excited about it, as in she mentioned that it was nice I had asked for a copy for each of us. I still wished I knew who sent Autumn Moone that original post. I felt like it was too gutsy to ask Autumn. She obviously valued her anonymity. I couldn’t say I blamed her.

  Saturday traffic wasn’t horrible, and before I knew it, I was dropping off my son at Gelaire’s Greystone. By the look on Cody’s face, you would have thought I was dropping him off at prison. His grimace said, shoot me now.

  “It’s only one night, and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll meet someone famous tonight sitting in the box seats with you.”

  His face scrunched the way it always did when he wasn’t buying what I was trying to sell.

  “If you smile and pretend like you enjoy your time, I may be willing to bribe you with that new video game you’ve been wanting.”

  His lip twitched. “The deluxe version?”

  “For that, your grandma better think that you love every second of being with her.”

  “Will you pick me up early tomorrow?”

  “Does that mean we have a deal?” I held out my hand for him to shake on it.

  He was quick to take it. He’d been wanting that game for several weeks now. I’d been saving it for a moment like this. I had learned a few tricks over the years, and I was not above bribing him.

  “I love you. I’ll miss you.” I held his hand tight. “Be a good boy,” I teased.

  He rolled his eyes.

  “Oh, and don’t let grandma drink at the game. She might start talking about your grandpa—probably about things you don’t need or want to know.”

  Cody’s eyebrows shot up to his tousled hair.

  “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

  The question was, would I?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  What was I doing? What was I doing? Having a panic attack, that’s what.

  I hadn’t had a first date in almost twenty years. And twenty years ago, if someone told me I would be going out with Reed Cassidy, I would have died of laughter—after asking them if they were high. The worst part was I couldn’t even ask anybody for advice. I mean, what did casual really mean? Like, shorts and a t-shirt, or jeans? I texted Reed and he said yes, but added that I might want to bring a jacket. So yes to shorts or yes to jeans? Shorts meant making sure my legs were extra smooth. But was that showing off too much leg? Not like he would be touching them. Or would he? Was he going to touch me? What did he expect?

  Almost everything I owned was strewn across my bed. I had tried on at least ten outfits and hated every one. I felt like vomiting. How was I going to eat? I don’t remember feeling this way before dates. Excited, sure, but this was more like terror.

  I ended up in some tan shorts, a white t-shirt topped with a jean jacket, and some canvas shoes. My hair had a mind of its own. Curls were everywhere. I even poked my eye with my mascara wand.

  Maybe this is a bad idea, I texted once my eye quit watering from being jabbed.

  I’ll be there in twenty minutes. He wasn’t giving me an out.

  Remember, just text me when you get here and don’t pull up if you see anyone.

  Do you see how ridiculous this was? I was suddenly back in high school trying to sneak around with Mark Stein, the resident bad boy. That lasted all of one time when I learned the hard way his reputation was deserved. First and only time I ever used pepper spray. Oh my gosh, I didn’t even have any of that stuff. But Reed wouldn’t try anything, would he? I mean, they do background checks on teachers. Not to say that’s ever stopped anything from happening, judging by the news reports about teachers being arrested. So, basically, I should stay home in my bubble.

  Relax, Sam. We’re going to have a great time. Reed texted back.

  I took a deep breath and tried to apply the rest of my makeup without injuring myself. It was only dinner, I kept trying to comfort myself. And this was Reed. We would laugh about it someday. Yes. Those were good thoughts.

  I think I peed five times in that twenty minutes out of nerves. I must have applied deodorant three times. I stared in the mirror for a good ten. Which brought my attention to a crime against humanity.

  I pulled out my phone and posted on my Facebook page, I think there should be a law of nature that states pimples and wrinkles are not allowed to exist on the same face. Can I get an amen?

  Before I got any amens a text came.

  I’m here.

  Oh, crap. I grabbed my bag and chest. My heart was working overtime. I stepped onto the porch and turned to lock the door behind me, taking a deep breath and a moment to gather my courage. When I turned around, there Reed was, sitting in his jeep in front of my house in the late afternoon sun.

  I looked out over our good-sized front lawn. It needed to be mowed. That was always Neil’s job. It was the one domestic thing he was good at and didn’t complain about. Which surprised me because it was outdoorsy, but I think he liked the hour of uninterrupted listening to one of his podcasts on genealogy or the anatomy of birds. Stop thinking about him, Sam. He’s gone.

  Reed smiled at me through the passenger side window. I found myself smiling back and found some courage to proceed. He looked good in shades with his baseball cap on backwards. My brothers wore that look a lot growing up. I think Reed had too. I hurried down the porch steps to his jeep, not because I was excited, but nervous about prying eyes.

  I jumped in, shut the door, and let out the breath I’d been holding.

  Reed rested his hand on my leg. That answered the touching question. I tried not to tense.

  “You look great. Are you ready to have some fun?”

  I half nodded and looked in his backseat. It was filled with a cooler, blankets, and camping chairs. “Where are we going?”

  He wagged his eyebrows. “Indiana.”

  “You’re taking me across the state line?”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back.” He removed his hand from my leg and we took off.

  “Why Indiana?”

  “You said you wanted it to be private. I know a great secluded camping spot near the dunes on Lake Michigan.”

  “Camping?” I was ready to start panicking. Again.

  “We’re not spending the night. What kind of guy do you think I am?” He teased.

  “A guy.”

  He chuckled. “You got me there. But relax. We won’t be doing anything that requires your legal documents tonight.”

  “I’m nervous,” I admitted to him.

  “I know. I am too.”

  My head tilted, surprised. “Why are you nervous?”

  “Because you’re the first woman I ever had feelings for. I knew they would never be reciprocated, but now here you are, looking more beautiful than you did twenty years ago.”

  My cheeks warmed. “That can’t possibly be true.”

  “I didn’t think it was possible either, but you exceeded my expectations.” He turned out of my neighborhood.

  “You look better than you did twenty years ago too,” I teased, trying to add some levity back to the conversation. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how to respond. It had been a long time since I had received such a compliment.

  It worked, judgi
ng by his laugh. “Well, I would hope so. Fourteen, fifteen wasn’t a good look for me.”

  “I enjoyed the voice cracks.”

  “Hey now,” he used his manliest, deepest voice. “You don’t know how mortifying that was, especially around you.”

  “I’m sorry for laughing at you.”

  “You don’t sound very sorry.”

  “Need I remind you that you booby trapped my bedroom? And there is still the matter of the dead fish. Oh, and my Bryan Adams poster and t-shirt.”

  “Speaking of Bryan Adams . . .” Reed pushed some button on his fancy touch screen stereo, and the “Summer of ’69” filled his jeep. It was one of my favorite Bryan Adams’ songs.

  “Wow.”

  “Nice sound system, right?”

  “It is, but I was thinking how sweet it is that you remembered.”

  He did a quick glance my way while maneuvering through the crowded I-94 tollway. “I think you would be surprised how much I remember about you.”

  “I think you’re right.” It was getting warm in the car. “But tell me about you. I know you’ve been coaching and you lived in Wisconsin for a while. But what else? Where did you go to school? Peter said something about a mentoring thing.”

  “I went to Purdue.”

  “You were a Boilermaker?” I laughed.

  “Don’t knock the name.” He grinned. “I played for them for three seasons before I blew my knee out.”

  “Ouch. I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t like I was headed for the NFL. Looking back, it was probably a good thing. I was more focused on academics after that.”

  “Did you always know you wanted to be a coach and a teacher?”

  “Coach, yes. Teacher took some convincing. I honestly wasn’t sure that’s the route I wanted to go until I did my internship. But once you help a child no one else has been able to, it changes you.”

  “And them.”

  He grinned. “I love that part of my job.”

  “So what was the mentoring project you started?”

  Even though he was driving, I could see his eyes light up. “I worked in a lower income district in Milwaukee. They didn’t have half the resources the district here has, but it was a good district. Great kids. Unfortunately, a lot of them come from broken homes or homes where academics aren’t a priority. Surviving was the name of the game. Kids that come from homes like that are less likely to graduate from high school, and the odds of them going to college are even less.”

  He checked his blind spot and changed lanes before continuing. “The head coach and I decided we weren’t doing our jobs right if all we did was get them through. We needed to show them what they could do. What the possibilities were. But that meant getting their parents involved too. So we reached out to local and community leaders in business and government. We were able to coordinate workshops to help the students’ parents attain more job skills. Some of them hardly even knew how to turn on a computer, much less use one.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “You’d be surprised by the number. I know I was. But it was gratifying to see some of those parents placed in better jobs. And I loved watching our mentors work with the students. Even better was seeing a few of them head off to college.”

  “It must have been hard for you to leave all that.”

  “It was a tough decision, but to be the head coach at my alma mater was too hard to pass up. And it’s been great to reconnect with Peter. And some other people.” He grinned my way.

  I skipped over that part. “Had you guys not kept in touch?”

  “On and off. I knew he had entered the priesthood. He called me after he and Delanie got married. Surprised the hell out of me.”

  “You weren’t the only one. Ma still hasn’t forgiven him.”

  “She doesn’t seem to like Delanie very much.”

  “Which is a shame. She’s great, and they’re good together. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but you’ve probably noticed that Ma does what Ma wants. And everyone does what Ma wants.”

  “Even you?”

  “Pretty much all my life. But there are some things she doesn’t know about.”

  His eyebrows raised. “Like what?”

  “Things you don’t need to know either.”

  “Those must be some stories. You’re blushing.”

  “Pay attention to the road.” I tried to sound lighthearted and not motherly.

  He turned his gaze back to the road. “I like paying attention to you.”

  “So I’ve noticed.”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  I tilted my head. “You know, it’s not half bad.”

  His laughter filled the jeep along with Bryan Adams. And it wasn’t bad at all.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  An hour and a half later I found myself in a little piece of heaven. The drive through the state park was breathtaking. So much foliage, and the fall colors were starting to peek through. My head kept turning, trying to get it all in.

  “I can’t believe I’ve never been here before.”

  “I’m surprised too.”

  “My, uh . . .”

  Reed rested his hand on my knee. “You can say his name.”

  I took a breath and let it out. “Neil wasn’t much for this kind of thing.”

  “But you are?”

  “I love it. Looks like a great place for a bike ride.”

  “Had I known you loved to bike, I could have put my bike rack on and we could have brought bikes up. They have some great biking trails around here.”

  “I haven’t had a bike in years, but I’m going to change that.”

  “If you want help shopping for one, let me know.”

  “I will.” I kept my focus outside. It was easier that way. Reed was quite honestly scaring me. The boy I knew was fading away and being replaced with not only a man, but what appeared to be a good one. I wasn’t sure how to process that.

  We passed several other campers on our way. Some in RVs, some doing it the old-fashioned way in tents. Reed pulled into a secluded camping spot, just like he had promised.

  Once he put the jeep in park, Reed turned my way. “You have time, right? Cody’s staying with his grandma tonight?”

  “Yeah,” I was reluctant to say.

  “Do you want to hit one of the trails first and take a walk? I know it’s more than just dinner, but we still have plenty of daylight.” He moved his shades up to rest on his ball cap. His eyes were asking me to seriously consider this change of plans. Or was this his plan all along?

  I tucked some hair behind my ear and tried to decipher the ping-pong match in my head. Yes or no? Good idea or bad? The game was evenly matched. Agreeing meant elongating the date. Saying no meant hurting his feelings and perhaps missing out on what could be a great time.

  “There’s a beautiful waterfall I want to show you,” he sweetened the deal. “And fires are better lit in the dark. Don’t you agree?”

  Did he lean in closer? Yes, he did. I could see the violet specks in his gorgeous blue eyes. I lost my head and nodded my agreement.

  “Great, it’s settled then. I’ll come around and get your door. Hang tight.”

  I needed to hyperventilate, but didn’t have time. The car ride was perfect. Safe, even. Now that we were here, the date felt real.

  Before I knew it, he was opening my door and holding out his hand.

  I stared at his hand, unsure.

  He reached in and took mine with a sultry smile. “I know it’s been a while for you, but this is how we do things now.” He gave my hand a gentle tug and out I came. Without letting go of my hand, he reached in and grabbed his fleece jacket. “Just in case your jean jacket isn’t enough to keep you warm.”

  The weather was beautiful now—in the low seventies, high-sixties, I would guess—but I knew that wouldn’t last long, especially being this close to Lake Michigan.

  “Good call. Thank you.”

  He shut the door
, locked the jeep, and looked down at our clasped hands. “Is this okay?”

  I took a second to think, but was finding it difficult. “Honestly, I don’t know. This is all new for me. And it’s you.”

  “It is me.” He drew me closer. “I don’t want to push you or make you feel uncomfortable.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “I am uncomfortable, but it’s not because of you.”

  He ran his calloused thumb across my hand. More of the boy was slipping away. I realized I wanted to hold on to that part of him; if I saw only the man drawing me in with his eyes and body, I knew I would have decisions to make. I would have to feel again.

  Vulnerability scared me more than anything. My heart knew, though, that you could never have total intimacy without it. That’s what my marriage had lacked for years—honest and complete intimacy. Far more potent than sex or physical touch, an intimate, emotional connection made every aspect of a relationship better, or worse when it was absent.

  But this was only a date. A one-time thing.

  “What can I do to help you feel more comfortable?”

  I took a moment to really look at him. I was amazed by his thoughtfulness. “Uncomfortable isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it’s time I get out of my comfort zone.”

  If that’s even what I had been in. Whatever zone it was, I wanted out of it. I wanted to feel anything but the pain and loneliness that had enveloped me for months.

  “I’m happy to help you out.” He pulled me along. “Just remember, we’re here to have a good time.”

  That made me feel better. He obviously wasn’t looking for anything serious. Like I said, we would probably look back on this one day and have a good laugh. A remember when we went on that date? His future wife would look at me and think, you went out with her? She’s old. Though he did like older women, so maybe she’d think I was young. My brothers would tease me and we would move on. Hopefully by then I would be moved on from my current state of being. I might even be happily married myself. Obviously, I was thinking way into the future.

  Our clasped hands swayed between us as we walked the dirt path, breathing in the end of summer air. The smell of barbecue and campfire tickled my nose.