The Sidelined Wife Read online

  Mimsy referred to the retirement community she lived in as the prison. She was still upset Dad and Ma moved her into it a few years ago after Grandpa died. It wasn’t like she couldn’t take care of herself, but she’d fallen once and lay injured for ten hours before we knew about it. Ma wanted her to live with them, but to Dad’s relief, Mimsy refused. They compromised on the lovely community she lived in now. I mean, I wouldn’t mind living there. You got maid service, and all your meals were prepared. And who didn’t love a rousing game of bingo every day?

  “A catfight?” I questioned Mimsy.

  Her aged blue eyes were all a-twinkle. “Ethel from two doors down was caught with her Depends down around her ankles with George from one floor up, who was seeing Polly from the building next door.”

  Did she say Depends? “Oh.” As in oh, I wished I hadn’t asked.

  “Polly smacked her right in the face at lunch, knocking her dentures out.”

  “Mom, that’s awful,” Ma chimed in. Dad laughed, earning him narrowed eyes from Ma and an I-wish-you-dead look. Something was brewing that I probably didn’t want to know about.

  Mimsy swatted her daughter’s arm. “It’s the best thing that’s happened since I’ve been there.”

  I leaned more into Dad, trying to forget about what Mimsy just said. Not sure that was possible. “How was your day, Dad?” I hadn’t seen him all day, since I typically didn’t go to the office on Fridays.

  Dad cleared his throat. “I bought a boat.”

  Ma harrumphed next to me. I was pretty sure I knew the cause of their discord now.

  “Really? What kind?”

  Ma gave Dad a withering glance. “Yes, Joseph, why don’t you tell her what you wasted our money on?” Ma said that loud enough to draw attention from the innocent bystanders in front of us who did their best to not openly stare back at us, but managed a peek.

  Dad’s free arm rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s an ice boat.”

  “An ice boat?”

  “Your idiot father thinks he needs to compete in some amateur ice boat competition in Wisconsin.” Ma answered for Dad. “He saw it on some stupid sports channel. We could have gone to the motherland.” Ma threw her hands up.

  She meant Germany, where we descended from.

  Dad stiffened and faced forward, not wanting to continue this conversation in public.

  I hoped Ma followed suit. But Mimsy had to throw in her two cents. She took her daughter’s hand. “Look at it this way, Sarah, he could die on the ice and then you can use his life insurance money to travel.”

  Dad’s jaw dropped, but Ma’s eyes filled with tears while she crossed herself. As angry as she got with Dad, I don’t think she would know what to do without him. And more than anything since Hannah’s death, Ma hated talking about anyone dying, except maybe Neil.

  “Mom, don’t talk like that.” Ma was still crossing herself.

  Mimsy shrugged. “I was just trying to see the bright side.”

  It was a wonder I wasn’t in therapy.

  Grateful didn’t even describe how ecstatic I was to see the rest of my family arrive, minus Delanie.

  Peter walked past me and kissed my cheek. “Delanie’s sorry she couldn’t make it. She’s buried in work.”

  “They’ve really been putting her feet to the coals this week.” She’d complained about it earlier this week when Avery and I had lunch with her to work on the Sidelined Wife stuff. Poor thing chowed down her salad, gave a few insights, and headed back home to work.

  Peter’s stance shifted while he ran his hands through his hair. “She has a big deadline this week.”

  “Some expose or something?” Delanie never did say at lunch.

  “Yeah, something like that.” He moved down past Mimsy, who already had Matt and Jimmy next to her. She was stuffing their hands full of cash. I wished she would have done that when I was growing up.

  Avery and James sat directly behind me.

  “No yelling in my ear,” I warned James.

  He rested his hands on my shoulders and gave me a gentle shake. “Don’t count on it. I’m ready to see number eleven tear it up out there.” Eleven was Cody’s number.

  “He probably won’t get any playing time.”

  “Peter told Reed if he didn’t, he was no longer invited to Sunday dinner.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should believe James or not, especially since Avery laughed at him.

  They looked content tonight, holding hands and wearing matching Pomona High shirts. Jealousy crept in, but it was overcome by gratitude. Their support of Cody meant the world to me.

  Avery leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Is Neil coming?”

  I shook my head.

  She patted my back, trying to console me.

  James must have clued in. He started calling Neil names that had Ma crossing herself and Mimsy flicking water on him. I bowed my head. Not to pray, but to miss all the embarrassing glances everyone in the vicinity was giving us.

  The game couldn’t have begun any sooner. Who knew what else was going to come flying out of my family’s mouth? The marching band came out and we all stood for the national anthem. Mimsy and Ma always got choked up during the song. My great-grandfather had served in World War II and died during the D-day invasion. A picture of him in uniform rested proudly on my parents’ mantle.

  Our team took the field to loud applause and cheers. I had a feeling my throat would be sore by the end of the night, especially if Cody got any playing time. Maybe if they were far enough ahead in the last quarter he would. James had it on good authority that the team we were playing—Buffalo Grove—wasn’t a solid team. James was good to keep up on those types of things. So hopefully this would be an easy win for the Panthers, for both Cody’s and Reed’s sake. I felt nervous for both of them. Don’t ask me why. Admittedly, Reed had taken up a lot of my thoughts today, remembering the way he smelled, his eyes.

  “Go Cody,” I yelled for no real reason other than I needed something to do besides think about his coach.

  My family all laughed at my exuberance. If only they knew what was lurking in my brain. That was never going to happen, because I wasn’t thinking about Reed anymore. Except I noticed how good he looked out there in his official Panther polo shirt and khakis. The headset made him look so official. There was an air of calm surrounding him. I already liked him better than the last coach, who would have been yelling at the kids even before they took the field for the first play. Then I noticed how he said something to Cody. I could tell by the way Cody stood up straighter it was good. I wondered what he said.

  We lost the ceremonial coin toss. I wasn’t even sure why they did that anymore. Everyone knew the real coin toss happened between the coaches and referees before the game. But I guess it gave the team captains something to do. So the Panthers would be kicking off to the Spartans. It was a great kick-off too. Our kicker was a phenomenal girl who was also a star soccer player. I loved that she was on the football team.

  The first half of the game was uglier than I hoped it would be based on James’s intel. The Spartans were playing dirty and hard. I watched Reed to see how he would handle it all. Again, he was calm and collected. I could see him trying to keep our guys focused, and it worked. By the end of the half, we were up 17–13. It was close, but we were edging them out.

  Avery and I used halftime to hit the ladies’ room, which was really an excuse to talk about my dad’s purchase and my email from Autumn Moone. Avery was in a girlish tizzy over it, squeezing my arm and reading it several times on my phone.

  She handed me back my phone. “You should see if she’ll send us some signed copies. And maybe a large poster of Hunter Black.”

  “Where would you keep yours? I don’t think James would appreciate it, but according to Peter, James is onto your obsession.”

  She waved her hand around in the air. “He has nothing to worry about. Besides, he still buys the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue every year. It would serve him right for me
to put up a poster of Hunter Black above our bed. Ask for one of him shirtless.”

  I laughed at her. “I don’t think we’ll have any more correspondence.”

  “Come on, do it for me.”

  I shook my head. “Only because I love you and I want to see James’s reaction to the poster.”

  She leaned into me and laughed evilly.

  We brought candy and popcorn back for everyone and handed them out before the second half started. I still had hope Cody would get some playing time. I saw him throwing footballs on the sideline with the third-string quarterback, trying to keep his arm warm just in case.

  Dad beamed at his grandson. “That kid is going places,” he remarked.

  “Hopefully close to home,” I replied.

  Dad wrapped his arm around me. I noticed when he reached across, he brushed Ma’s shoulder first. She returned the gesture with a wry smile and a semi-glare. That was progress. I predicted by the end of the game she would be back to her normal rolling of the eyes, but holding his hand. The question would be if Dad would get to keep the boat.

  Reed must have given one heck of a motivational speech in the locker room. The Panthers came back with a lot of roar. By fourth quarter, the score was 31–20. And guess who was sent in for the last few minutes of the game? When my baby’s name was called by the announcer, I stood up clasping my hands together and holding them tight to my chest. So proud. So anxious for him. He looked taller as he jogged out to the huddle and called the play. Dad joined me. It made me feel all at once less alone and more alone, if that made any sense at all. Dads are amazing, but they don’t fill the void left by a spouse, try as they may. Dad was doing his best, and I loved him more than he would ever know for it.

  Suddenly, I realized how big some of the Spartans’ linemen were. Those sumo wrestlers were going to squish my baby. I had to keep myself from hyperventilating, waiting for the ball to be snapped. Cody caught the snap fluidly, ran back, zeroed in on his running back, and threw a pretty spiral. The pass was completed but they only gained a few yards. The next down netted them maybe a yard—the receiver was pushed back by some of those sumo wrestlers.

  Third down saw Cody having to run the ball himself since no one could get open. The Spartans defense was putting up a good fight. Thankfully, Cody ran out of bounds and wasn’t tackled. On top of that, he netted them a first down. He carefully marched his team down the field toward the end zone, running down the clock and keeping possession of the ball. The defense was trying their best to stop them and get the ball back, but each time our offense answered.

  I felt like I didn’t breathe the entire time Cody was on that field. Thirteen yards from the end zone saw Cody taking a knee on the snap, letting the clock run down and ending the game. I knew Cody would be disappointed he didn’t get the chance to throw a touchdown pass or score one by running it in. But his team won their home opener and he celebrated with enthusiasm, jumping up and down with his teammates on the field.

  My eyes followed as Reed walked across the field to shake hands with the Spartans’ coach. As soon as that obligation was taken care of, he was like a kid with a huge spring in his step, high-fiving and fist-bumping every player. I watched him give Cody a big bear hug. It tugged on my heartstrings.

  I hadn’t even noticed the major celebration going on around me. My dad, brothers, and nephews mimicked the team. Mimsy celebrated by handing more cash to Jimmy and Matt. I was handed a wad of bills with strict instructions that it was only for Cody, like I would steal from my son.

  Soon the celebrating was over, and my family left. Peter was anxious to get home to Delanie. Matt and Jimmy had an early morning cross country meet, so James and Avery rushed them home. It was way past Mimsy’s bedtime, and I got the feeling Dad wanted to talk to Ma privately. I noticed how he rested his hand on her lower back while she guided Mimsy down the bleachers.

  The stands cleared. And that was that.

  Chapter Nineteen

  There I was. Alone.

  The team had cleared the field and headed to the locker room. That was good news for me. It meant Cody should smell decent on the trip home.

  I slipped into my lightweight nylon jacket, though it was still relatively warm and humid out. It brought me comfort, like a security blanket, even if it didn’t match the shorts and jersey I was wearing.

  I headed to the locker rooms with several other parents to wait for our children. Was everyone married? I hadn’t noticed that before. And why was I feeling marginalized because I was single now? Maybe because I heard two of the moms up ahead whispering about me, but doing a terrible job of keeping their voices down.

  “Did you know she’s calling herself ‘the Sidelined Wife’ now?”

  “Who does she think she is?”

  One of the husbands looked back at me before also doing a terrible job of whispering to his wife. “I think she can hear you.”

  The women stopped and looked back at me, red faced.

  I wanted to say something back to them. Something clever and witty that proved they didn’t hurt my feelings or exacerbate my already vulnerable state. But all I could do was not give them the satisfaction of tears. Those would come in the privacy of my home.

  They picked up their pace and mine slowed. I waited well outside of the locker room, staring at my phone, trying to be invisible like the teen girls earlier that day. Last year I would have been amongst the crowd, talking easily. What had happened?

  I didn’t comprehend a thing on my phone’s screen. I was itching for the safety of my car, wishing for my old life back. But is that what I really wanted? The façade?

  Boys, showered and dressed, started filing out of the locker room. Some went their own way, others into the congratulatory arms of their parents. With each emerging player, I looked to see if it was Cody. What was taking him so long? He finally came out wearing his winner’s grin. He was joined by one of his teammates, Jayvin. They were laughing and talking.

  “Cody.” I waved, anxious to go, though I was the only one of two parents left now.

  He ran my way and did exactly what I needed him to do. He threw his arms around me.

  “Did you see me?” For a moment, he sounded like my little boy.

  “You were amazing! Everyone thought so. They’re sorry they all had to leave early, but they wanted me to tell you congratulations. And,” I handed him the wad of cash I had stashed in my jacket pocket, “this is Mimsy’s way of congratulating you.”

  He took the cash. “Awesome.” He took a breath and lowered his voice and head. “Did Dad come?”

  I thought my heart couldn’t break any more, but it was like a meteorite hit and a crater was formed right in the center of it.

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry, honey, no.”

  He shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

  “That’s not true. It’s okay to be disappointed.”

  He shook his head in defiance. I understood that. I had done the same thing many times.

  “Jayvin was wondering if I could go to his house for a while. Some of us are getting together for pizza and video games to celebrate.” His eyes begged me to let him go so he could forget that I was it. I knew he wasn’t trying to slight me.

  “Okay. Home by midnight, please. Or do I need to pick you up?”

  “Jayvin’s going to give me a ride.” He turned to walk away.

  “Cody?” Pleading was in my voice.

  He immediately faced me.

  “I love you.” I knew that didn’t make it better, but it was all I had to offer.

  “Love you.” He took off and never looked back.

  The tears didn’t wait. They filled my eyes. In a rush, I headed toward the stadium parking lot.

  Not even my name being called was going to stop me.

  “Sam,” the familiar voice rang out.

  Where had he come from? I didn’t care. I kept my hurried pace to the car.

  “Sam,” the persistent voice neared.

  I was wiping tears
furiously as I walked.

  “Sam,” the voice was upon me and it came with a touch. Reed gently grabbed my arm. “Hey there, slow down.”

  I tried to turn my head away so he wouldn’t see the emotion pouring out of me, but there was no hiding it.

  His instinctual response was apparently to reach up to touch my tear stained cheek, but thankfully he stopped himself. What was he thinking? His blue eyes were big and flooded with curiosity and worry.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I stepped away, making him let go, which was my plan. All I needed was this scene to play out in front of someone. Though it was innocent, after tonight, I felt like I had a mark on my head. Or that I had just became aware of it.

  “I need to go.” And that’s what I did.

  Did I mention Reed was persistent? He followed. “Sam, what happened?”

  “Life.” I kept my pace.

  He had no problem keeping up. His legs were longer than mine and I’m sure he was in better shape. I was still sore from that stupid hip-hop class five days ago.

  By the time I reached my car, I was a shaky, emotional wreck. Was I so naïve to think the Sidelined Wife stuff wouldn’t get around to the people at Cody’s school? Or did I just assume everyone would be happy for me? And then there was Neil. I was going to call him and let him have it. All of this was his fault. He divorced me, not Cody.

  But before I could, I found myself in the most unexpected place. Reed wrapped his arms around me.

  “Please tell me what’s wrong.” His chin rested on my head.

  I stood stiff, in shock. But then he ran his hand down my back. His kindness and gentle touch made me lose it. I just needed someone in the moment. I sobbed into his chest until I realized he was back in his suit. I tried to pull away. “I’m sorry. I’m going to ruin your shirt and tie.”

  He pulled me closer. “I only care about what has you so upset.”

  “Why?” Why did he seem to care so much about me?

  He thought for a moment and let out a slow, deep breath. “Let me take you to dinner, and we’ll talk.”

  I jumped away from him. In a panic, I looked around, begging whatever saint I could that my meltdown and Reed’s consoling wasn’t on display. I didn’t see anyone in the barren parking lot.